Steven Gerrard and His Groin Return to Action

Great choice of picture!

Just let the match be here already!

Finding Andy's Role, Derby Dirk, Stevie Gerrard's Groin Back in Action???  

When did Jack Horner start writing copy for the Offside? We are about a whiskey away from Two Aggers, One Cup and Enrique's Bigger Johnson. 

I, for one, look forward to the debauchery, demagoguery, and outright dismissal of all dilettante dialogue. Alliteration es tu amigo.

Steven Gerrard's Groin looks like its back in the game! WOOH!

Man...phew...that group action with Kuyt and Maxi after Kuyt's exploded all over the Brighton back line!

Enough already! :)

It's nice to have him back and also nice to see that it doesn't look like he's going to need time to settle into the team and get his touch back.

Hopefully the days of talking of Steven Gerrard's Groin are finally over!?

To stay on topic and keep the Radiohead vibe going, this is my personal message to Stevie's groin:

http://youtu.be/LXTyN2m8ZUQ

That's a quality attempt at raising the making people feel uncomfortable stakes.

Hah. Let's hope no one's buying it cigarettes.

If I might shuffle awkwardly away from the delightfully rendered image of Stevie's tanned groin for a moment...

The derby line-up is on my mind constantly. In particular my wish to see Kuyt restored and Wee Jay reprise his role from last year's derby under Kenny. That day Dalglish made the brave call to throw Spearing into the action; This year I hope he is similarly courageous in reintroducing experience and taking two heavily-criticised newbies out of the firing line.

As Noel suggests in his previous piece, Kenny does seem to have made 'projects' of Adam and Hendo at the expense of Spearing and Kuyt. For me, Dirky is Mr Liverpool and his contribution means he's in any first 11 I would pick, but I ain't The King. Kenny is a stubborn s.o.b. and as single-minded as all real winners. I seem to remember a certain rotund tactician making a similar stand with his unpopular selection of one Lucas Leiva. That worked out well...but took a loooong time, time we don't have if we want to stay in touch with the Champions League positions.  
 
At this moment in time I feel we're at a vulnerable stage of our development and the likely presence of Jordan, Charlie and big Andy on Saturday is at the heart of that vulnerability. The Boss seems to want to stand by his men and I don't think anyone would be critical of that if Hendo was raiding down the right, Charlie was 'quarterbacking' and Andy was knocking them in...but they're not...so we are. Maybe too critical. 

In an ideal world we line-up with all the new boys in the team on Saturday and steamroller the bluenoses into submission, gradually introducing Dirky, Stevie and Bellers to add a flourish to our dominance...but in that ideal world Rhianna and Beyonce will be vying for my attention on the yacht I'll have just bought and distracting me from the game so I may miss the whole thing...

Well in Trev, I'd hope the king has made his point with the 2 lads confidence not dropping them after the Spurs game but its well time for Kuyt and stevie with maybe a bit of Jay Spearing throw in the mixer.

On the Rihanna and Beyonce front, I'd always be conscious of the amount of ads SKY put in around half time. Just after the interval I'd give Beyonce a seeing to. She's pregnant now, but I'd work the angles. Avoid looking directly at Gary Neville for the 5 minutes analysis and approach Rihanna with apologetic sincerity for leaving her till last. Do the deal and finalise just prior to the restart. Alternatively, if your streaming onlne in a foreign language, skip half time and have a love in with both in tandem for 15 minutes of pleasure.

Follow either scenario woo the ladies with an in depth discussion on how Dirk covered Kelly better than Hendo would have and use props to explain the inverted striker.

I'm here all week.

You dirty scoundrel. Giving Trev the lowdown on how to do the double. How long has it been now? Like 15 years?

Everton's defense is perfect for Carroll though. Both Jagielka and Distin are pacy, and while Distin is powerful, he's not tall or heavy enough to match Carroll. I think Carroll will create bigger matchup problems for Everton than Suarez and Bellamy.

Also, can we pretty please have a midfield 3? Everton consistently do and will run circles around us if we choose to go with just a 2, regardless of whether it's Adam or Jay.

this game is what dirk kuyt was created for as a footballer - i dont thnk its a question of him playing, but rather where.  for carroll or hendo?  i like spearing in for adam as well, he deserves it for last year.

You finally came around. He may have been riding the pine, but it's time to dish out some steel. How could we possibly not start the Dirkster for both Everton and United. Hope KK has the "brainstorm" for both Spearo and Kuyt!

lol, i got nothin against spearo and i like him for everton, but if steven can't start against united, its gotta be adam, and he's gotta bring his big game britches with him.  although i do take the point of the benefits of playing two cdms against top caliber sides, im not convinced the King will take that route... plus, where does the midfield passing come from if adam and gerrard are both out of the side? spearing's decent for sure, but adam played lights out against man utd twice last year, im hoping he brings that same game against them for us...

Well, he really needs to take care of that groin.  It's all fine and good that he's started off well and seemed to find his rhythm, especially in his favourite position playing in the hole.  But we really need his regular forceful thrusts from midfield throughout the season.  Of late Liverpool's season has always been done early when we really should be building up and climaxing in May.  So, all the best to Stevie and he can have fun tearing up the opposition's rear and banging them balls in, but take good care of that groin and keep it under wraps.  Better safe than sorry.

30-45 for the derby, 45 in the internationals and then the full monty for the scumbags.  The training he's been doing for a few weeks now has got to be good for toughening up and making sure there's no after effects.

Dammit, I suck at double entendre.  Noel, you win.

It's actually pretty funny. I'd say it's tied with Seanster's response above for hilarity. The Seanster's is a bit more witty and yours is a bit more double entendre. I think the boys may be a bit gunshy at pressing the like button about some of this stuff. Some really smart guy said some really bad stuff a few articles back, and went on "The View" and repeated it on the air in public and had his balls handed to him by Ed and some of the ladies. Noel didn't seem to mind terribly, though. But you know Noel, he just responded with some of that hidden sarcasm, and sent him on his way. A little "bum's rush" action. So it's just that some of the boys are trying to be a "little" careful.

Uh Oh. Looks like Nic below has joined the game. We got us some real, capital T, trouble now! I hope Ed is sleeping.

Happy to see, Ed, that you don't so much mind a little "joke". Now, it's on to read Mr. vague sarcasm's in depth analysis of our new, almost settled, $20 million Fergie set play, L.A. Hollywood star and man in the middle.

just a random point of note: 

really like the look of Norwich so far and would've liked seeing how D.Pacheco would've fared for them in the premiership rather than in some loan within a loan back in the La Liga. 

"....the groin he’s had an at times tempestuous relationship with might even be ready to put in sixty minutes of strained, sweaty action from the opening whistle on Saturday."

After reading this I was initially enthused and yet felt sullied enough by the imagery to require a shower!!

what exactly are you doing when you're on this site?

Hey, c'mon Jonny!! I'm just painfully attuned to any level of suggestive imagery. It's because I spend a LOT of time with two of the world's double-entendre champions. Noel's, eh, 'colorful' depiction made this awkwardly old-fashioned Irishman a wee bit uncomfortable!!

you're so easily lead.  

1 pint of guinness and you're anybody's, 2 pints and you're nobody's!

To Arthur!!!

He's big and he's f'ing hard. Hoping for 45 minutes and 60 the following week against Satan and his minions. Let's hope training goes well this week.

30-45 this week, and I'm going for 45 in the internationals.  

Ready for the whole pie with double cream against Whiskey nose's annoyingly tuned in side.

Totally forgot about the intervening match against Montengro. Hopefully Fabio will exercise the better part of discretion and leave him off the squad, though I'm not holding my breath. Ugh.