Rumor Mongering: Time to Call Someone an Idiot

By: Ed | June 16th, 2011

fistfight Please don’t let us get in your way though—feel free to call them something much worse if you happen to find out that they have an opinion different than yours, because your opinion is the only one that matters. People with different opinions are the enemy and must be convinced of their wrongness, and the best way to do that is to USE CAPS WITH RECKLESS ABANDON. Odds are that if you haven’t had any violent disagreements with anyone online, you’re not doing it correctly.

You like Charlie Adam? Good, anyone who doesn’t is a mouth-breathing Nazi who doesn’t know a quality pie-destroying left-footed ball vaporizer when they see one. Want to hold onto Raul Meireles? Ha! He only scored five goals and is too old and doesn’t sprint for a full ninety and couldn’t fit into central midfield over Lucas or Jay Spearing even though there were only three central midfielders fit at one point in the season and two can’t play outside of central midfield and one could so that’s what ended up happening.

So hey, strap on your helmets and get ready for some arguin’:

Charlie Adam

He’s already signed, or he’s going to today or tomorrow, or Karl Oyston isn’t answering his phone or now Spurs have had a bid accepted or something. We’ve heard more than enough about him, even though he’s more interested in surfing the web for a cut-rate set of golf clubs. He’s likely phenomenal with his driver and fairway woods, but I’d guess he’s shit from 175 and in, and probably only has a greens-in-regulation rate of around 40%.

Anyway, nobody knows except the in-the-know’s who know what we don’t know which is that they know that those involved don’t quite know. Watch this space.

Raul Meireles

This goes back to the tweet from Richard Buxton about who would leave if Adam arrived, but it’s unfortunately gained some traction among those who are fans of revisionist history. Two of my favorite new narratives are that his positive impact during the season was completely overblown and, in a comparison that not too many people before this week were making, there’s no way he’d ever be fit to carry Steven Gerrard’s jock strap. Sprinkle in the existing talking points about substitutions and fitness and you’d think we’re talking about Joe Cole.

But make sure that you ignore the fact that he was still turning in the minutes and covering all sorts of ground while Gerrard was sidelined yet again, and was joint second on the squad in appearances (with the indestructible Dirk Kuyt and player of the season Lucas). I’m not saying that Meireles is more important to Liverpool or better in some way, but I am saying that if you’re going to use fitness and age as major variables in why Meireles should hit the bricks, and then in the next breath talk about Steven Gerrard as another variable, I suggest you revisit things.

So no actual news, but by all means, let’s keep arguing about it.

Maxi Rodriguez

Out of way left field, as in Argentina jardín izquierdo, there’s suddenly talk about Maxi leaving Liverpool to join his childhood club, Newell’s Old Boys. The source is an Argentinean newspaper with whom the goalscoring hechicero apparently gave an interview, but we’re left to wonder about the context of the chat along with whether or not it actually happened. We obviously saw a handful of high-level performances from Maxi towards season’s end, and those paying attention earlier in the year also saw his influence even when he wasn’t getting on the scoresheet with astounding regularity.

He does, however, fit the bill of players that need to leave the club immediately—he’s in the midfield, is old, foreign, not Charlie Adam, and his family is probably unsettled or something. So forget those goals, his selfless style of play, and generally positive impact, he wasn’t that good anyway.

Juan Mata

Of the players rumored to be on the way in, Mata’s the most coveted. He’s not hurting his stock at the U21s, as last night he set up both Spain goals in a 2-0 breeze past the Czech Republic. There’s vastly differing accounts of what’s going on right now—Rory Smith has the activity at a standstill, but Paul Thompson, who’s apparently been one of the more reliable whatevers when it comes to transfers, has Liverpool with a bid in. Add to that the rumors that Damien Comolli flew to Valencia earlier in the week to sleep on the top bunk in Mata’s boyhood room, and we might have a constellation of somethings that adds up to nothing.

This one’s ending in heartbreak.

Marko Marin

There had been a few mentions of Marin’s name prior to season’s end, and yesterday we got reports that Liverpool and Tottenham had bid on the midfielder. Both bids were turned away, as the German international prefers a stay with Werder Bremen in the Bundesliga. Marin’s 22 and has been one of the up and comers in the German national setup, and while his appearances in South Africa were disappointing, he’s apparently still promising enough to garner serious attention.

Other People We May or May Not See

Stewart Downing is still “definitely on his way,” Gervinho and his diabolically deep hairline are now leaning towards Arsenal, South Korean captain Park Chu-Young popped up as another potential target, and Doni is back out of the picture after going to Bolton, Galatasaray, and staying at Roma.

There, now everything’s better, right? Oh, it’s not? There’s still no real transfer news AND Liverpool just released a poorly-colored third kit that’s supposed to be historic but mostly looks like they just blue themselves? Here, watch mouth-breathing Nazis get their faces melted as you conjure up a way to insult the guy who just said that he thinks Maxi would be missed:

Some Related Liverpool Posts:

Category: Team News, Transfer News

« The Transfer Window In Charts and Graphs | Home | Apparently Liverpool Have a Third Shirt and Other Friday Notes »

Jeff

The only reason why the third away kit is blue is because of Standard Chartered. It's their corporate colours and telling us that they are going back in time is bs.
Ismael Jawad

I won't lose any sleep if Adam signs for Liverpool but the thought of actually selling one of our best players for the simple purpose of making room for him is utterly absurd.
Nic

Loved this Ed.

I live in China but born in Liverpool and brought up in Manchester (which wasn't easy over the last 20yrs)

Enough of the life story, all that said because I love reading the blog here, first thing when I get up. Great writing from you both, good topic choices and a fairly large dollop of snark & sarcasm.

Anyway enough kissing butt, the whole transfer season is a bit like a drug for me. I know it does me no good and will probably result in me either brain damaged or twitching in a corner somewhere staring at the ceiling quietly muttering Charlie Adams name to myself over and over and over...

But I just get help it, the buzz of the maybe, the rush of potential formations with new faces and the high of another Martin Samuel inside scoop.

Living the healthy dose of reality here, maybe I can detox here for the rest of the transfer season?

Keep up the great work and I'm hoping for a Noel masterpiece on Jole Coles/Poulsen review of the season - Hodgson-style.
Ed

Thanks Nic, appreciate the kindness. Hope you'll continue to comment--we'll need all the help we can get keeping each other relatively sane for the next few months.
KC

I read a rumour that ManU was hoping to hijack the Charlie Adam bid for $12 million. And I laughed my head off while conjuring up a scenario where King Kenny lets out all these rumours that we want to buy him, hiking up Adam's price and attraction to other managers and Fergie, in a kind of 'I need to one up KK', decides to buy him to say 'Stuff you Liverpool' but ends up with a player who sits on the bench the whole season because he's not good enough for first team. :) Its fun to see where imagination can take you :)
mardia

I would build an actual shrine to Kenny Dalglish if this turned out to be true. I mean, of course it's NOT, but...oh man. How amazing would that be if it were?
RedDownUnda

Allow me to get e little something off my chest: No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No Blue Strip.

And don't try to slip it through as cyan, azure, cerulean, denim, indigo, ultramarine, sapphire or periwinkle; it is still fucking blue. It actually celebrates that we started life as Everton, that our founder, Houlding, wanted us to be called Everton, and we played in a similar strip as Everton until 1894, when we finally adopted Liverpool's official colour of RED. Not BLUE.

Just thought I'd mention it.
Tom Foolery

Just curious, how long did it take to type "No." that many times. If it took longer than 5 minutes, then I'm equally impressed by your anti-blue emotions as I am depressed by your lack of something better to do.

The second part's not really fair, actually. I often spend 5 minutes doing things I'm terribly ashamed of afterward...let's just leave it at that.
RedDownUnda

Type once. Command C. Command V. Repeat until red (not blue) in the face.
Russell

Here's a picture of the kit with red instead of blue. I would actually buy that.

Keep in mind I didn't make this mock-up.
Tropics Red

http://www.liverpoolfc.tv/news...

Reserve-team quartet Deale Chamberlain, Steven Irwin, Alex Cooper and Nikola Saric have left the Reds following the expiry of their contracts.

Now that's better - a reliable source!

Shame about Saric - he was a Barca target prior to us signing him . I think he's had injuries which may have hampered his development. Didn't know too much about the others though...
Tropics Red

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/h...

Headline:

Sotirios Kyrgiakos set to extend stay at Liverpool

In the text:

But, he could still be sold with Liverpool set to strengthen in defence.

Just brilliant.
DJ-Chutfield

Are people seriously questioning the impact of Meireles? Or was that a joke? I REALLY hope that was a joke.
Ed

Sad but true. Plenty of talk about it, and there was something on a site called Kopsource that essentially said "jog on." People are smart.
Eddie

is there any update out there on our gael clichy bid?...
Ed

Haven't seen anything since it came out last week or whenever that it was a possibility--like everything else, pretty slow going.
Dirk Kuyt Industries

Ed, hope you don't take this the wrong way. 100% agree with you that the Meireles/Adam/etc stuff has been egregiously wrong and over the top from a bunch of fans. And this post is (another) highly enjoyable response to that.

At the same time, I also miss your take on things when not exclusively run through the "this is what the trolls say" filter.
Ed

Appreciate the feedback--I'd imagine that, like many others, transfer season is the most difficult to stomach, and it seems like the last few weeks have been particularly ridiculous in terms of the way things have gone. In those situations, it's easiest for me to go to snark, but completely understood that it doesn't necessarily allow for anything other than sarcasm to get through.

As it stands, I think there's plenty of work left to be done (~4-5 more signings, ~5-6 exits), but there's also plenty of time left in the summer (hence the snark about panicking with more than two months to go). I like the search for young talent and am excited about Henderson's future, but I'd hope it doesn't get in the way of any potential deals for proven players that can have an impact in the coming season. For me the needs haven't really changed--one or more central defenders, one or more fullbacks (left being the priority), and a couple that are more than serviceable wide in attack. I'm hopeful that a deal can be worked out for Mata on the most optimistic end and Downing on the not exactly pessimistic end.

As you say, would absolutely hate for Meireles to leave, as I think he's the type of presence that can be devastating on a more consistent basis than someone like Adam, and you know exactly what you're getting even if he's run himself into the ground by the 75th minute. If they were both in the side currently, I'd take Meireles in a heartbeat. More versatile, more consistent, and fits perfectly in a pass and move system. The criticism about shying away from challenges was valid for awhile, but I think he improved remarkably as he adjusted.

So that's a pretty rapid response in terms of actual thoughts on how things stand and the Meireles stuff, and there'll be more. Today just felt like a good day for booze-fueled sarcasm.
AJ

This, right here, is the best ever.
Khaine

This just in, exclusively to fuck with our heads:

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.c...

So that makes it all clear then. Or muddles the water further. Something.
Tom Foolery

Something indeed. A very interesting read, as I've heard plenty about the debt/whatnot at Valencia, but my knowledge stopped at whatnot. So, what to take from all that...he's going to leave Valencia, likely to England, maybe to Liverpool.

I guess that doesn't clear up or muddle things anymore, it only provides more background into the whathaveyous as reasons for his likely departure. At the least, its more insightful than, "Liverpool + Mata = THE PREM IS OURS!!!!!", or whateverthefuck these 'people' (I'm starting to suspect most are robots working for LFC.tv in order to stir up more shit) tend to come up with.

Cool beans, yo.
Guest

"You like Charlie Adam? Good, anyone who doesn’t is a mouth-breathing
Nazi who doesn’t know a quality pie-destroying left-footed ball
vaporizer when they see one"
"He’s likely phenomenal with his driver and fairway woods, but I’d guess
he’s shit from 175 and in, and probably only has a greens-in-regulation
rate of around 40%."

Ed, please accept this .gif of Orson Welles clapping furiously as a token of my appreciation. BTW Charlie Adam is gonna totally own the field at Congressional these next four days.
http://assets0.ordienetworks.c...
Ed

Much obliged. And for what it's worth, I'm pulling for KJ Choi.
Seanster

In a kind of masochanistic way I love all this rumour guff. During the season what do ye get, a game, maybe two a week. Then the transfer window opens and every day we're battling it out with Spurs or Manu, we're swooping, about to Kop, sizing up, in for, opening warchests, fighting, raiding and edging a bit closer to kopping someone. Excellelent stuff. Oh for the season to be just one big game of top Trumps and you win the league by snapping up or bagging or capturing everyone elses players. Man City are with me on this one.
Khaine

The Comolli in Valencia thing was Andy Heaton trolling. So yeah, disregard.

The club is seemingly set on british mid-level talent, which means the best case scenario, and not wholly unlikely either, is english clubs pricing their overrated players off the market (I'm looking at you Blackpool and Villa), forcing us to go for the continental quality of Mata and Banega (*jizz*). And where have the Kjær and Diego links gone!?

Also, Cassano, apparently. Up there with the old Henry rumours in ludicrousityness.
Geza

Cassano is an outstanding player, but buying him would still be quite a gamble... I'd give him 3 month before he gets into a fight with Carroll or starts pulling the piss with Comolli over his lack of competence...
Mike

There's no way they buy such an old trouble maker. As talented as he is. Throw that rumour in the trash.
Ed

Appreciated, but I was under the impression that everything here was the result of somebody trolling.
Khaine

Excellent point. But at least some trolls are ambiguous about the sincerity of their activities (Rory). Andy came out and laughed about it in public the next day. Uproariously. Knee slapping and all.

Anyway. Adam. Long balls and love handles galore. Extortionate fees. Golf. Damn lies and statistics. And Aquilani's agent going quiet for 6+ hours = mixed emotions. Other stuff, too.