Woo! Threepeat! Woo! Australia!

By: Noel | January 14th, 2011
   

Dr. Manhattan Funke
Bow before our magnificence.

With December’s traffic numbers for The Offside coming out just a few days ago, it turns out The Liverpool Offside* managed to snag top spot for the third month in a row. Being December, the overall numbers were down a touch given various holidays and the unexpected winter break that saw the club going two weeks without a match, but apparently our five Australian readers were still willing to stop by occasionally, for which you have our thanks. We don’t always get things right, but we do try to not abuse too badly this position of great power and influence that has rightly been bestowed upon us.

Elsewhere, we’re the first hit when you search for “Liverpool blog” in the US, and the second hit when you do the same in the UK. It’s probably safe to say that we are now, officially, the shit. What exactly that means, and just when it turns into a vacation home on the Riviera, is something we’re still trying to figure out. One thing it probably does mean is that we should get right on a series of giant flashing banners that scream, “Number one Liverpool blog on the internet,” because that seems a vaguely justifiable and not at all full-of-ourselves statement. But it would need more exclamation points. And flashing. That seems like something we should get our team of minions on right away.

We have a team of minions, right?

Anywho, with Roy Hodgson’s recent departure, December feels a million years ago now, but even with that two week break over Christmas there were some interesting heres and theres, comings and goings, what-fors and what-have-yous for both the club and this blog as the year came to a close. The story of December, then:

* The month started with a generally uninspiring draw against Steaua Bucharest, but things weren’t all bad as it secured Liverpool’s Europa advance [click]

Though for Noel, the bigger question was whether the Joe Cole deal would go down as an even bigger flop at Liverpool than the oft derided Robbie Keane fiasco. Given another month and a half of nothing displays and niggling injuries, things haven’t gotten any better for England’s Lionel Messi [click]

* The Utrecht match was followed by a positive display against Houllier’s lifeless Villa in the league [click]

Though it was around then that people really started to notice just how bad a run of form Kuyt was in, one that has unfortunately continued right into January [click]

And even with a few good results fresh in the memory, it was hard not to wonder about Hodgson’s refusal to use his substitutes early enough for them to have any real impact [click]

* Good results or not, everybody seemed to fully assume that it would all go horribly wrong sooner or later this time around, and things went horribly wrong against Newcastle [click]

After which we discovered Roy Hodgson’s schoolboy tactics for facing Newcastle [click]

…and also got what will perhaps be the single most lasting image of his tenure: the face rub [click]

* Then, with advancement in the Europa League wrapped up, the club gave free tickets to kids for the final home match, letting the next generation see one of the most dire displays at Anfield in recent history as the club shuffled its way to a ridiculously uninspiring nil-nil draw against Utrecht [click]

And on the back of that, the club ran right into an unexpected two week break, starting with the postponement of the Fulham match [click]

* When the games finally started to get back on track with a December 29 match against Wolves, things didn’t go too well [click]

Which led to speculation that Hodgson’s departure was immanent as real fears of relegation began to creep in [click]

Elsewhere, there were also a couple of Tuesdays With Roy entries, but with that series being wrapped now, the final installment seems a better place to head if one wants to look back on that running bit.

Well, that was fun. After a fashion. Here’s to the glorious day when we finally nab ourselves that long dreamed of alcohol sponsor. In the meantime, God bless Australia, the land of the free.

*The Liverpool Offside is a subsidiary of Gobias Industries, a division of Chem-Grow, an Allen Crayne acquision, part of the Squimm Group.


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Category Category: Miscellaneous
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  • lfc4eternity

    Sky reporting that ickle Stevie Warnock (and Villa) have agreed his return to LFC on loan 'till the end of the season....as back-up to Reina we're also looking at Thommo (the flying pig) back in goal....Shanks quote...'if that had been a pie, you would have caught it!'...
    Back to the Future....if this keeps happening, I'm not gonna be born!

  • Ianjamieson

    Noel, I cant always read what you post, given that at 46 my eyesight leaves me standing on the wrong side of the supermarket isle to spot and buy a bottle of Paul Newmans bolognese sauce, but I have had a bit of fun following this site and some others. Living in Australia (Geelong - thats two recent permierships to Collingwoods one, Yann) but with parents from Liverpool and fond memories of going down to Tesco on Old Derby Road to buy my Monthers ciggies (at age 5 - try that at home today) I pretty much had a nervous breakdown back in about 1987 it must have been, when we got beat 2 Nil at home by Arsenal and lost the league title. And down here we have to get up at 4.30am to see that as well. Lost alot of interest then, but would have happily forked out the cash if Share Liverpol ever got off the ground. So I guess I can thanks your fellow countrymen Hicks and Gillette for re-igniting my passion. Pity I got my Standards Corrupted shirt delivered about 2 days before they got the boot. I suppose I will get it framed. Just ordered a Crown Paints Kenny Dalglish shirt, so hopefully we can win a fucking game before it arrives. Keep up the good work and increase the font size (oops I think I have to do that). Ian.

  • Think it's only Ed who gets to claim countrymen status with the former owners--some of us around here do have the queen on our money. Always good to have more Australians around to overwhelm the comments sections, though.

  • lfc4eternity

    Sitting here at home (England) I'm blubbing with pride at my colonial cousins...and they say the Empire is no more...I say poo!

  • RedDownUnda

    That's why I left England in the first place, too much damn blubbing. Man up back there. Take the lead from those living at the coccyx of the world - Australia, where men are men and the sheep are nervous.

  • lfc4eternity

    Seriously though, our thoughts are with you guys re the floods etc....as much as i love Shanks, can't always agree that Football's more important.

  • Yann

    Cheers mate. The floods really have been almost apocalyptic in their devastation and the thoughts from people around the world have helped lift the spirits of those hit hard and suffering. Much appreciated.

  • Kai

    I think our country has some choppers that's available to help in Queensland whenever. We do hold joint military exercises! :)
    Good luck with the floods...hope they stop real soon!

    On another note, might be relocating to Melbourne by the end of the year. Gotta ask some of you boys where the Reds hang out!!

  • Yann

    Welcome Ianjameison. Good to have you onboard although I fear Noel and Ed may be over this Aussie influx already. You support the right team (in England that is) and so can count yourself privileged. Oh, and just for the record, what with lies, damn lies and statistics, I think it’s Collingwood 15 premierships, Geelong 8. C’mon Reds, roll these bloody Toffees.

  • SeeingRed

    haha oh man, i can't believe i haven't seen that hodgson tactic book until now. i really hope it's a joke...

    on the off chance it isn't, i believe the better tactic would have been - pass, defend, ???, win.

  • Kevlever

    I am from Melbourne, Australia and visit the following every day;
    http://www.walkon.com
    http://ozsportsfans.com - most Aussie and international sports
    http://neighbourhoodbarbie.com - Aussie news - the rain doesnt seem to stop except for the odd day - floods in Victoria as well as Queensland and New South Wales
    I landed this page from http://www.walkon.com, so I am probably one of those Aussies that you registered.

  • Ed

    If you'll allow me to channel Jamie Redknapp for a moment, this is literally the most specific tracking information for the site I've ever seen.

    The love affair with Australia continues.

  • Unfortunately, as part of a massive blogging network like we are, Ed and I don't have the ability to analyze the site statistics that heavily--we just get some general numbers. So it's mostly down to comments/likes/tweets to try and guess what we're doing right and/or wrong. It just seems sometimes as though half the comments are left by Australians, and so we like to jokingly acknowledge that every once in a while.

    It always is interesting to find out where people are landing here from in any case, so thanks.

  • Yann

    Excellent result for you boys. To celebrate I’m going to don a pointy, tassled party hat and run around the room like Ruprecht, banging on frying pan with a stick. And wearing the genital cuff of course.

  • RedDownUnda

    Is that before, or after you've been to the toilet?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

    And pot banging is so Collingwood.

    And PS to Noel: Never trust an algorithm you don't know.

  • Well, I suppose that's one way to approach things. I prefer to blindly trust whatever the internet points in my general direction and just go along for the ride.

  • RedDownUnda

    Nice to know we're more than pulling our weight Down Under. Though in some parts of the world, that'll get you 20 years to life and your right hand cut off. The recognition of our efforts aren't confined to the scratchings under the headline either. I notice with mildly feigned dis-interest, the double banner above the headline - one part offering me "Older dating - Australia, the other - Married, Like to Flirt. Well organised lads, my current, and third, wife is mightily pleased.

    PS. I'm typing this last part blind as the Disqus panel refuses to scroll. So if it's a mess, my apologoies, or rather, kick someone at Disqust.

    PPS. Are those blue boys in the pic showing the latest in Pommy suntans? Jeez this is hard when I can't see anything...???!!!Oh well, just hit the post button and pray.....

  • Yeah, Disqus will do that sometimes. If you hit the down arrow a few times or use a scroll wheel it usually will pan down anyhow.

    As for the ads, most of them are of the Google attempted-targeted variety, so us non-Aussies aren't getting that one. And some algorithm somewhere seems to think you need to start looking for a fourth wife, apparently.

  • Tom Foolery

    Woo! Tobias. We could actually use a winger in his mold...cat-like reflexes, and a sweet stache.

  • Cutoffs under shorts would be a fantastic look.

  • Ed

    Nevernudes everywhere rejoice!

  • There are literally dozens of us! Dozens!

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