* Apparently, Eto'o isn't going anywhere. Zzzz...

* Malouda is torn between Chelsea and Liverpool. Just imagine the puddle of slobber forming on my desk as I sleep through this post.

* Daniele Padelli was returned to Sampdoria. Why is it now that we've gotten rid of our only Italian player I feel so much cleaner?

* Cisse might be Bolton bound. You know, I'm all for helping out former players, but this is a bit much. If Sammy Lee gets Cisse, then he'll be able to offload Anelka and make a nice tidy profit. It just doesn't make sense to me to be helping another Premiership side.

* Blackburn and West Ham are both interested in Craig Bellamy. Apparently he would prefer to go to Newcastle. How about Bellamy and £15m for Tevez? I don't even want to think about a Bellamy for Owen scenario.